March 14, 2004

"Gassy? Is it gas? It's gas, isn't it?"

POST #    848

***Warning, this entry contains talk of certain bodily functions, namely gas. This may be stooping to a grade school mentality, but I've been thinking about this and this site does contain my "random thoughts" (see banner above). For some higher brow thoughts (not necessarily high, just higher), see my thoughts on dry skin.***

Recently, I've been a bit gassy, I'm not exactly sure why though. I think it might be from milk. While I'm not lactose intolerant yet, it may be coming. Hopefully, it had something to do with the amount of milk I drank last night - I had a lot with my cereal. I would be very, very upset if I became fully intolerant. Then I might not be able to eat pizza! No, that must not happen.

The NIH website says this about lactose intolerance, "symptoms include nausea, cramps, bloating, gas, and diarrhea, which begin about 30 minutes to 2 hours after eating or drinking foods containing lactose." Sounds about right, but thankfully all I got was gas. Lactose intolerance affects between 30 and 50 million Americans, with as many as 75% of African Americans and Native Americans. 90% of Asian Americans are lactose intolerant, which doesn't bode well for me. People of northern European descent are least affected by this (damn northern Europeans!!).

Gas is an interesting, if not disgusting, thing. I think the passing gas is also interesting. Okay, maybe not interesting, but I've been thinking about it recently. For me, different times of year result in different actions after passing wind. In the summer, when wearing shorts, gas often dissipates into the surrounding area quickly. Because of this, you always have to be aware of where you are, lest everyone know it was you that cut the cheese. When wearing long pants, there is typically some time between passing gas and the escape of the gas. This is something that can be timed, so you can pass gas, wait for it's release, and walk away. No one will be the wiser. Best of all, unlike shorts, you won't have to experience your own gas.

Last night, during my gaseous phase, my friend Johnny and I thought about gas and women. How does this work? I mean, I'm sure women have gas. After all, it is a bodily function that is shared by all. I suppose that many women have more tact than me so they might be more discreet with their gas (I guess that's obvious since I'm the one writing about gas), but it's not like I'll just pass gas out in public in a group of people. So with women, who tend to wear thinner and tighter clothes, is there a different method for the gas and walk? And what happens when you are wearing a skirt? How does that affect the gas transference into the surrounding area? These are the things I want to know.

Also, what happens when you hold gas? I do this sometimes, and my body makes a grumbling sound, like that's just not supposed to happen. But who's going to break wind when in a packed room? Not me. Does this mean there will be an even greater, more powerful release of gas? Hmm.

Hopefully, this didn't gross too many people out. But at least I warned you this time, no?

Posted by tien mao in Random at 11:37 AM

 

 

Dude, when was the last time you had a girlfriend? You need one, if for only taking the time to explain the virtues of female gas passing so that you don't need to reach out to the entire web community for advice and support.

Speaking as a woman, I don't think there's much difference between the genders. A fart is a fart, no? After 3 years at an all women's college, I can say, without a doubt, that women are just as stinky as men, with varieties of discreteness.

Here are some answers to your quesitons.

Can you tell that I'm at work on a Sunday?

Posted by: corie at March 14, 2004 2:36 PM

really, did you have to attach my name to this post?

Posted by: JK at March 14, 2004 5:47 PM

thanks for the info corie.

jk, i'm not sure that you make it better by commenting. you should have issued a blanket denial.

Posted by: tien at March 15, 2004 7:16 AM

Here's another question to ponder - why is it that most people don't mind the smell of their own gas, but can't stand the smell of other people's gas? I wonder what Socrates would say on such a profound matter.

Posted by: Justin at March 17, 2004 9:25 PM

this is a good question justin. i've had some gas that was unbearable though. maybe it's a pride thing. like, "aww, that's my baby." in a sick, sick way.

Posted by: tien at March 17, 2004 9:44 PM

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